So, sometimes it can be easier to talk about your feelings about sex, your enthusiastic Yes-es, your definite No’s, and your curious Maybes over coffee or text first, in addition to in-the-moment communication about consent. Sexual interactions are vulnerable, exciting, and can get your body and brain functioning in all new ways. Talking about sex with your potential or current partners before the clothes come off can be a great way to keep clear-headed communication and consent thriving. Talk about sex outside of a sexual context. You can be a Ferociously Fierce Femme, a Passive Prince of Pillows, a Non-Binary Take-Charge Babe, or any version of your sexual self that follows what feels good, affirming, and right to you and your partners. Just because you identify with being masculine, feminine, or somewhere in between doesn’t mean you need to act a certain way or do anything in particular in your sex life. Media mediums from PG-13 sex scenes to X-rated porn can create clear splits between what’s considered being “sexually masculine” (being the do-er, taking control, knowing the ropes) and being “sexually feminine” (being the receiver, being passive or reactive, being led rather than initiating the sexual interaction). You don’t have to adopt traditional gender roles in sex unless you want to.
Try on one or a few that might work for you, communicate them to your partners (especially new ones), and ask them how they like their bodies to be talked about or touched. The first step to this can be feeling good about the terms we use for our body parts. One of the main goals of sex for many of us is to feel good in our bodies. Body parts, especially private body parts, can be complicated territory for LGBTQ folks, and understandably so.
or Girl Sex 101 (much more gender-spectrum-inclusive than the title suggests) are both great resources that can get some of your questions answered. Sometimes we don’t even know where to start if we’re not sure about what our options even are. This is when you can think about experimenting with sex toys, whether you're interested in penetration, and what kind of touch feels good to you. This check-in can help you determine what you want from sex and what queer sex means to you.